Pairing(s): Kim Jongin/Wu Yifan, Oh Sehun/Lu Han
Length: 1/?, 2/?, 3/?, 4/?, 5/?
He suspects he might be losing his mind. He knows he's not alone in the room as he can hear Yifan’s hushed whispers with who is presumably the maids or perhaps Sehun.
When Jongdae had a visit with Kyungsoo to show his condolences, the two had sat at a set of chairs by the bent hand in hand. It was an odd sight to see Jongdae somber (and dressed in all black, only sparkles accentuating the corners of his eyes) as he leaned against Kyungsoo when Jongin did not readily speak.
Jongin knows they do not deserve his silence and can see Kyungsoo lean to give Jongdae a small kiss of reassurance when Jongdae gets visibly upset that Jongin ignores them. Its Sehun who (politely) escorts them out and apologizes in Jongin’s stead.
He hasn’t been left alone for days. Even now, Sehun is there. Yifan as well. Perhaps a few maids too. Jongin doesn't know for certain as his face is pressed securely to the pillows staring out at the void blank and calm sea. At first, he had been certain his world was crumbling but now he's only numb.
Whatever was left of his home was ash. There was no word from his parents, from his sisters, nor his friends or any of the people he had grown up with. It was as if none of them existed to begin with. It took away that hope that one day Jongin might be able to return to them.
“Jongin, you must eat. It will do no good to starve yourself.” Sehun's voice is weak as he crouches at the side of the bed wiping away the few solitary tears scattered across Jongin's face. Jongin knows he too has been crying because his eyes are puffy and irritated beneath his veil of mourning. Jongin wishes he had the strength or hope to encourage his friend. But alas he does not.
“Sehun, you can retire for the evening. I'll tend to Jongin. I think Jongdae was looking for you.” Yifan says as he steps into view, stiff and also appropriately wearing mourning colors.
Sehun casts a small look at Jongin and only submits because Yifan is Jongin's alpha and, therefore, can provide the instinctual comfort Sehun cannot. He quietly exits the bedroom after sitting down Jongin's tray of dinner by the bedside.
Jongin remains unmoved as Yifan takes a seat on the edge of the bed. Yifan looks tired and Jongin supposes he would be considering he's been working day and night to come up with an agreeable plan to recapture Jongin's homeland from the invaders. A few thousand men were dispatched with Minseok to find survivors and they had yet to hear back from the Raven.
“Sehun is right. You cannot starve yourself or avoid coping by staying here all day. It's been days since you have moved.” Yifan does not sound upset rather concerned. He untucks the blanket from around Jongin, scoots under and covers them both with the thick pieces of cotton. His arms encircle Jongin's waist and tug the omega closer. “I know you're hurting. But do not carry it all alone.”
Jongin relaxes into him. He can only imagine what he might look like. Dark hair greasy and unruly with a shadow of prickly stubs tracing his jawline. His clothes wrinkled and unkempt. What kind of husband was he? His face falls into Yifan’s shoulder knowing he owes the other many apologies. He's been so hard on his husband. He has yelled at him, pushed him away, denied him everything a husband is supposed to give and given him absolutely no happiness. It's shameful really. Jongin was raised and taught to be one with his mate. To protect, provide and support the person he marries with everything he has. His parents had traded him off not for the good of their kingdom solely but assured he would be married to a kind and thoughtful man.
Yet, Jongin has done everything in his power to sabotage that hasn't he?
He feels Yifan's fingers threading through his hair. It's comforting the weight of his alpha's chin resting on the crown of his head. He's been patient with Jongin. When he had all the means to force Jongin to his will…
“Do you think I'll ever feel complete and happy again?” Jongin muses aloud, quiet eyes settling on the soft gray fabric of his mate's tunic.
“It's all dependent on what you allow yourself to feel.” Yifan says. “If you want to be miserable you will be. If you want to be hopeful one day you'll feel alright again then you will be.”
Jongin is silent. His eyes glance upwards, eyes following the curve of Yifan's elegant bone structure. Was it really that simple? He wasn't so sure. But being lonely and miserable got old. If someone like Kyungsoo could come to love his castle (plus someone like Jongdae) - so that meant Jongin could as well. If he allowed himself to be happy without the guilt of not being able to save his family.
“Yifan, I have a request.” Jongin says knowing if he asked for something his mate would do everything in his power to deliver it.
“What is it?” Yifan asks quietly, voice tentative unsure of what Jongin might request of him.
“Don’t give up on me.” It’s a quiet whisper. A testament to Jongin’s insecurities, his hurts, and his blazing hope that he cannot shake off. He wants there to be a day he can look at Yifan and see nothing else. This man - this kind and patient man - has done absolutely nothing but been understanding towards him.
There is a shift in Yifan’s eyes. An emotion that pools that is indecipherable for Jongin as he sheepishly turns towards the window feeling his cheeks warm. Rather than reply Yifan is pulling away and dragging Jongin with him. Jongin struggles, at first, not wanting to move from the comforts of their bed, but gradually allows himself to be tugged. His legs feel weak and his mind slightly fighting off dizziness as he stumbles forward as Yifan secures a hand on the small of his back.
“Yifan?” Jongin questions.
“Let’s go to the balcony.” Yifan simply replies.
Jongin who wants nothing more than to disappear back under the sheets follows him. He had not been allowed on the balcony by Sehun’s request since he arrived. Meaning, he had not seen the ocean with all it’s glory and it’s rage.
Yifan slides the glass door open and takes Jongin’s hand in his own. The first hit of ocean saturated wind is a cold shock despite Jongin knowing it was coming. He takes a step back - instinctively - but his shoulder comes in contact with Yifan’s chest.
“It’s okay.” Yifan says as he nudges Jongin forward until his stomach is touching the rail. He can see over the edge of the large cliff, down to the jagged white rocks hit by thunderous waves so far down, taste the ocean in his mouth, feel the burn of salt in his eyes and hear the clash of wave against wave. Jongin wants to go back inside. Curl under the blankets and forget this. But Yifan’s hands take each of his wrists and spread his arms so they’re fully extended at this sides. “Close your eyes.” Is Yifan’s soft words of encouragement.
Jongin feels like he would be closing his eyes in the midst of a battle but it’s just the ocean. It has no symbolic meaning other than what Jongin gives to it. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment and steps back to feel Yifan against him - soaking in his heat, reassured he is there.
“Yifan, what are we doing?” Jongin asks finally, voice buried by the sound of the consuming furious waves.
“We’re flying.” Yifan says, chapped lips brushing Jongin’s ear sending a small shiver down Jongin’s spine. Jongin’s fist clench and he moves to pull away from the other but Yifan does not let him go. Rather he continues, “You do not need to request things like that from me - you do not need to fear our ocean, neither will hurt or abandon you.” Yifan says. His fingers slide over Jongin's palm and turns him around. “Open your eyes and see me Jongin. Really see me. Know I'd never think of giving up on you.”
Jongin through bleary tears opens his eyes to be faced with Yifan who oddly looked determined.
“I can't give you flight again, I can't save you from your demons, and I can't give you back your family or home. Those are just the bitter truths. But, anything I can give I will. I'll march through fire to revenge your family and ensure their throne is passed to you. I will fight to support you handling your own fears and weaknesses as a friend and as your husband. Any material want, I'll give you. Hell-- Jongin I will do whatever is possible and capable of my position to make you smile again. This, watching you like this is painful.” Yifan says quietly, a hand brushing the dark locks of hair of his husband.
There is a slight tremor in Jongin’s lips as his eyes - dark and hooded - raise to look at Yifan. The male has done more things to ground Jongin’s delicate mind than most people in a lifetime. Jongin cups the larger hands encircling his face, soothing reassuring Yifan he was not going to crumble into ash anytime soon. (Or perhaps he was convincing himself, YES I will catch in the wind and tumble today.)
“If you want me to love you, to accept you with open arms -- take back what is mine. Destroy the ones who turned my lives upside down and revenge my family.” Jongin whispers calmly. There is a flicker behind Yifan’s eyes, his lips pressing seriously. “Everyone who took from me - I want their heads on a spike.” Jongin says, voice thick with emotion as he squints to the sea once more. “They will swallow the waves of your sea with open screams, not me.”
Jongin does not realize it’s tears and not the ocean’s mist that wets his face. Whatever it was living inside of him needed to be set free.
A/N: Short transitioning chapter. Feel free to comment here with questions or hit me up on twitter at @jongin_senpai . I'm requesting drabble requests at ask. So, talk to me~ tell me your likes/dislikes/wants concerning the fic. I'd love to hear from y'all.